Sunday, July 27, 2014
The Wedding Ceremony of Relating, not Relationship
How would things change if I changed certain nouns to verbs? Like "Relationship" - to "Relating" - - ?
I received this insight while listening to Osho this week...something was sparked within me. Something rang true about this needed shift. Nouns describe the name of a person, place or thing. "Relationship" is not a person nor a place...but a "thing"...though it can describe a thing with a person and the place in which you may find yourself with them....or have found yourself in the past.
What if instead of a thing...we changed the idea of relationship to a verb...an action - "Relating" - as Osho suggests? He says that relationship is something that is closed, finished, defined, stagnant. But relating is fluid, the on-going mystery ever being revealed. He suggests that when choosing to enter relationship we have a good chance of taking the other for granted, because of the nature of a noun. While, on the other hand, the verb form - "relating" -- this allows for the unknown...the constant state of the honeymoon...the love affair to continue. For in relating to another person, we never have the situation completely figured out. It is fresh, all is possible.
It's funny because it seems like all of my adult life I have been searching for the "divine relationship," my partner with whom I could enter, what I deemed the "sacred relationship"- just knowing it would be the ultimate vehicle for expressing and living my continued evolution and mutual unfolding. However, I ring clear with this assessment...that relationships can ruin things. Not always. But calling something as such can limit its expression, and yet what of the idea of the wedding? The ceremony? The commitment? Are these things stagnant attempts to hold something that perhaps should not or cannot be confined? I wonder.
When I was 21, I got married. It was the tradition and even expectation of my upbringing. I believed it was what I wanted and entered into a divine or what I thought to be a divine union before I even had a chance to figure out who I was or what I really thought about life. Needless to say, this marriage ended promptly. With some shifts in my attitudes and beliefs I "tried again" several years later, but this time without the legalities. I had learned of "common law" unions and this interpretation, without the binds of the government and so forth seemed to fit my opening mind. So with two witnesses and none more, I stated to desires of my heart to enter into relationship again. This too ended.
After these attempts I decided to forego the whole marriage idea and simply live from my heart. For 8 years I lived in "relationship" with another, I was committed, at least for the time being, to stay and be present for this union. Time and again my partner asked me to wed. I refused. I did not think it was needed, nor did I think I believed in such a formality any longer. After my previous attempts, who needed the attachments and the potential disintegration of yet another shot at "marriage?"
As time went on, that relationship ended, as did others which followed, shorter in duration, but no less involved. When I finally had my first child, I wished to marry my partner then. It was the first time I had felt the desire to enter such a contract after all the years which had passed. Perhaps it was the knowledge that now a child was involved, my veins of commitment ran deeper and I longed to feel the bonds of what I believed might be "safety" within the walls of something such as marriage. My requests were not met, and after some time we both found interest in leaving the relationship, finding ourselves better fitted to be on our own.
I began to look more deeply within for what I might be missing in terms of finding lasting love. Of course the answer lies within...and I wanted to find how I might better live in this longed for 'divine relationship' inside - so I could see it reflected in my environment.
Today, I am in a new situation. The scene has changed yet again. Another child has entered the picture and this time, I see it all with fresh eyes and I believe -a deeper heart. My first inclinations with this partnership was to marry him, absolutely. I finally felt I had found my equal in more ways than I could describe. I still feel that to be true. But now I find that my reasoning for wanting a ceremony has changed dramatically and entirely. Osho hits the nail on the head for me and sums up my experiences over a lifetime of ins and outs, commitments and resistance.
You see...I don't want to lose the magic.
I don't want to stop the honeymoon. I want to keep Relating.
I want to live in the mystery of the unknown and yet still see my partner there - ever diving deeper into one another without labels and contracts. I want to be free to love him and I want him to be free to love me. The only reason I feel we are finally here in this place, hand in hand, side by side, together today is from what I call "the great allowing". It has not been easy. I feel I have been stretched past my usual comforts and previous abilities in order to make it to this place where we could see one another again - heart to heart - in the vulnerable, yet strong equality of relating.
I love this idea of relating - as a verb - verses relationship - as a noun...even though relationship is what I always believed I wanted.
And so now...the opportunity arises for the proclamation of our love... the chance to share what we finally feel we both know together at the same time...not one of us exploring the idea and the other waiting. So, without the "traditional" form of marriage..without the normal expression of this coming together - is it necessary to have a ceremony to celebrate this union? And beyond necessary...will it benefit us, the whole, the One to celebrate it? That is the question.
Normally, a wedding ceremony seems to seal the deal for the family and community. In this way, everyone knows that these two beings have now entered into a new space together....a "relationship"...but does it change their relating? And if you want to keep the relating, and not spoil it by calling it a "relationship", can you still find a way to celebrate....to bring everyone onto that same amazing page with you, even for a moment, to bask and glow in the light of one another and all the "others"...(who are still part of the One)... can you still have the wedding ceremony of Relating, and not relationship? Can it be pulled off without a misinterpretation? Without a downplaying of all the other "relationships" (which are working or not) present? Can it be done with love and honoring of the true boundless expression existing - cap-less and label-less between the two of you...or will the ceremony reduce things to "relationship" by its very nature?....
I believe it is up to the two. I believe it can be done.
I see a space where the celebration of two hearts knowing Oneness can speak of it beautifully, boldly, declaring love, honor, intention and kindness...but also state the desire to not bind, the desire to not limit nor stagnate, and perhaps this is the new and TRUE union of hearts. One that will not lead to ultimate demise because of the closed factor. This time of relating is not over....we are not through peering into the mystery of one another - and thereby stamping it with the label of "relationship" - one in which we are satisfied at the existing package - no. Instead, let us be ever vigilant of the love here, let us be open to the growth, the evolution, the unfolding...together - as long as we continue to feel a mutual reflection of deep and abiding satisfaction and propulsion to do and be more within and as a unit.
The wedding ceremony of relating, not relationship begins with the choice to celebrate - boldly - that which is unlike the norm, and more like the two beings feeling the relating....and wishing to share that relating with others.
I suppose it can be done without the ceremony, sure. Why do I have the question in the first place? Something within me wishes to be pushed to the next level...and maybe this is it. In the eyes of the many, I cannot so easily squirm out of this challenge, nor can he. In the eyes of the many we are all brought together in a common union of mutual support and love. In the unification process, in the dance, in the intention set, with "fancy attire" and "carefully placed flowers" comes the opening of the portal -where the energy enters in - bathing all who come together with ONE MIND and purpose.
This is what I desire. This bathing...
As we "paradigm shift" through this and future times, I believe it becomes more and more important to stretch the existing models, many of which have become stagnant, by choosing to do things differently - and stand in the light of that change. To BE the Change - by standing for what we ARE...unlike what we have seen before, leading the way for the whole world to morph and shift into a more purely authentic expression of who really exists today - - -instead of skeletons of the past repeating traditions and holidays which hold very little meaning for us.
As I have contemplated this possibility I have even thought...well, if ceremony is important to me, to express the ME that lives and breathes and wishes to share...and if I am alone in this wanting...perhaps I ought to have a ceremony just for me....perhaps I need to invite others and state the words of my heart aloud to those I hold dear while wearing a beautiful gown and dropping flower petals all around. What stops me, alone, from celebrating the love and blossoming in my heart? What stops me from sharing the beauty of what I know to be RELATING and not necessarily RELATIONSHIP? Nothing, save tradition.
Let us break the traditions which do not serve the current expansion of consciousness and plant new seeds of awareness in the Divine Matrix of Reality - today and every day. Let us be the pioneers of a new tomorrow. One that we wish to send our children into.
With Bliss in the House,
If you missed Thursday's Broadcast - you can find that Podcast recording on "Stepping into the YES" Here.