Yesterday, 2 years ago, I was selling Never the Same Chocolate with one of my best girlfriends at the New Thought Center for Spiritual Living hosted Gypsy Soul Concert. As I packed up the brightly colored foils to take to the center I had no clue how my life was about to completely change forever.
The music tuned and an unknown man came into my field speaking the words "cacao"...to which I replied "cacao?"....Who was this guy and what was he talking about? Yes, I had cacao...but did I know him?
After many comments of on-lookers wondering if he was my 5 year old son's father, since they looked so much alike, I finally decided to follow the inner voice that kept urging me to "ask him to leave with me"....and we've been walking a crazy path together ever since.
By crazy, I do mean crazy. It seems we've been through so much - perceived "good" and "bad" and yet here we still continue to walk, run, jump, laugh and cry together...now plus one more addition to our little family.
I have had my share of relationships, and nobody before this man has pushed me to step into my "best" version more than this one...though not always successful on my part. I have witnessed myself in my "worst" version time and again as all of my stuff surfaces for the cleansing...one of the main purposes I believe a relationship to be for. Still, we walk on together.
Honestly, had I not witnessed a similar explosive union between two of my closest friends and watched them work through the muck and tears into the magic, I would not believe it to be possible...in fact, I would believe, on some level, that this was wrong, that I should move on and find someone more conducive to the matching I desired in my heart...and yet here we are, joined by fate and choice, to continue walking, now with two small boys to watch over.
If I looked at life from a lower perspective, I would not be able to understand the alchemy working out here...though I see it. We have chosen to step into the sacred fire of relationship, and I am learning, with such a step, comes the opportunity to cleanse not only inner karmic mud and beliefs, but family and generational patterns that no longer serve the world. As conscious beings, we are asked, time and again, to not take the "hard times" personally, but to hold one another up in the honoring light of understanding as we singly and mutually purge the negativity for the all for which we represent. To transcend and alchemize what is coming up, what is coming through. To be the next higher version.
Not always easy or fun work.
Living in the presence of my family, it has sometimes come up that we ought to "marry" legally, and announce our love publicly...though this union, this thing runs deep...perhaps beyond what we could do or say on the level of worldly marriage. Admittedly, I sometimes wish we were capable to live simply on that level and just be "man and wife" and not all this other deep escoterical stuff...and yet, we both signed up for this life, and we both are so much deeper than we can escape.
As the evening prior to our 2 year mark came quickly to a close, and I pondered what I might say to this one, if asked to give vows...if I felt to do such a thing...if I wanted to share what I saw...I asked myself how it might sound... and this is what came ~
"What can I call you Love?
Friend, partner, confidant, companion, husband, brother, guide, equal?.
Fellow traveler & trail blazer, father to my children,
lover of all things good?~!
I could call you Blessed, Beloved, Co-creator, my mirror, reflection, goat-getter, the one I share with, who I care for, the light I count on...he who pushes me.
I could call you Good, Stalwart, Courageous, Adventerous, Caring, Consistently standing in presence. You are he who sits in the still and stands in the chaos and seeks to ever move onward at my side...
I have felt every which way, for you and with you, which makes me know I can withstand anything we face and embrace all we are given together.
I do not promise 'for better or worse' for we would not be standing here today had we not endured both. The pain has carved us deeper, and the joy has lifted us higher. And in these - All that we are capable of spans eternity in every direction.
With you I have tasted every texture of living and I know we can only ever, like a fine cheese or wine, get better with time.
No promise I could ever make with my lips would speak more than my heart has, than my spirit does. Yours & mine have met in union on multiple unspoken dimensions, and no human understanding or ordinance could ever trump what our souls know and experience.
I am grateful for the opportunity to continue to grow with you, to share life and love and all manner of things with you. I only vow to continue bettering myself and shedding that which does not serve the greater good - - in your presence. I vow to Love more than Fear until fear no longer remains."
And So It Is.
May these words...spoken of the union I find myself in, assist others on their sojourn.
May love prevail, always.