Today much of the "developed world" - as we like to call it - is celebrating "Father's day." Even the house in which I currently reside and even my very own embodiment finds itself called up to notice and give thoughtful appreciation to what fathers represent and mean to me.
I guess I call myself lucky for having been raised with a thoughtful and emotionally present father. Though he traveled a lot in my youth, for work, I always remember a kind-hearted, loving presence who played the role of my physical male parent figure. He still plays this role today...and while I spend a bit of time with him and my two boys, I am having an opportunity to appreciate and somewhat dissect the role of fatherhood and how I experience it still in my life today - - in relationship with the physical and the spiritual - -as well as how my children have, will and do experience such a force in their lives.
It's funny, and somewhat quimsical - as I like to say...a question on the wind and in the mind, though not so airy, this one. Both of my children, at this point in time, are without the presence of their physical "fathers"...though they are in the presence of mine. Hmmmm. At the same time, I am very aware that they are ALWAYS in the presence of the divine energy of Father...the aspect of the whole that is Infinite consciousness and Father of all. This brings me great peace.
Yes, I would love for my boys to have their dads around, to go on adventures with, to rough-house with and laugh, to have a man to look up to who pays them special attention and emits love to them like no one else. This is no downer on my own father, who did his great part in being this to his own kids, and spends what quality time he can and feels moved to with my boys...but it just isn't like a dad. And well, it doesn't need to be said that the Infinite "Father of all" in the form of the One consciousness is not playing with my kiddos...mostly it's me...and my sister...and my mother...and yes, sometimes my dad.
On the Hallmark stamped day that makes people look to the 'fathers' in their lives for thanks and tidings...well, I guess I feel a little heavy hearted for my boys who are missing something...or so it seems...and I can't help (being the Sagittarius I am) wondering where I play into this whole manifestation for them...why I have created a life experience where my kids - both of them, from 2 different fathers - are without either and both of them. ??? Not to put undo pressure on myself...but I wonder.
I can't help but consider my kiddos and what is in their best interest...for now it may be that we are in that very place, providing that very thing for them, yet my heart longs for a "complete picture" full of loving presences that tackle them with laughter in the morning...(and so I do)...and take them on walks...(I do my best)...and offer all the things both parents would do. Sometimes I wonder if my tendency to think I can have and do it all has created a situation in which I must.
With that thought on the page...I now turn myself over to the contemplation of the inner psyche...the one we all have, but don't always know how to interpret...and I ask myself to lay me down into the dreams of yesterday and ask the little girl in me of what dream I am still buying into that is creating an absent father image in my reality today? Because, on some level, I am convinced the child in us is still running the scene...for each and everyone of us...until she isn't/he isn't...and they only aren't when we take the time to investigate the forts we built inside and take down the metaphorical blankets and meet that face of innocence for a one-on-one.
Fact - it doesn't have to be in therapy.
Fact - you rarely can do it in full-waking consciousness.
Truth...it must be done.
As I work deeper into my subconscious, and keep turning up stones, and memories, and beliefs I hold inside...I must confess and remind that these inner images, when rustled from the deep, show up - without a doubt - in waking state...though you pulled them from beneath...
How can we not get mixed up and confuse the old for the new? How do we look at the present unfolding and know from which timeline it has sprung - How can I - How can you? For it is all, when in the process, seemingly undone and wrapped up around itself like a cord around the neck looking like a neck tie for a dinner we thought we already went to...
It's happening again..the dream-time lingo is spouting out through day time chatter...does it matter? It most certainly does. This is where the answers come from - and where the answer always was....Under the covers, under the sheets...tucked under pillows from where we retreated, defeated our waking reality with snooze...not knowing whether we would win or lose ourselves again in the heat of the day.....what is it I am saying??? where is the answer to the riddle revealed? Is the punchline concealed in yesterday's mirror...is it getting clearer?
As I unwind the tapes from the cob-webbed places...I finding my dreams play out in other people's faces...do you see that too? Is this the gift of the father? the one that is within with which we often do not bother?
Hmmmm - seriously...The Father is consciousness....the observing mind. The one who can see what is on the rewind, the unwind, what's on the wind...blowing through the moments we're most certainly in....and here we are - here I am
Here you are. Here.
A win win.
A truly happy Father's day would be to acknowledge the child within...and to give voice to her and all the treasures she keeps in the mind she believes. I can father myself into freeing that girl...and perhaps watch the gifts spiral out to my very own world. And to my kids.
That would be the ultimate gift of presence (presents).
May Bliss be in your House today - - the structure around you house...and the body you inhabit house - - especially this one ...cause sometimes we find ourselves without our "own house" and we can still find Bliss...in the ever movable house-home of form we live in NOW.