It was 14 years ago that I first set off on an adventure of a lifetime, leaving the United States for a virgin voyage like no other. I spent a year traveling Asia and SE Asia and had my mind blown open, my reality re-written and my worldview completely shifted. It was one of the most transformational years of my life up to that point.
I woke up.
Seven years after the first 'departure from the norm' I left another country - the land of single-woman-without -children. I had my first child. Having him was akin to entering a foreign land and he became my new guru, showing me ways to see life and enlightenment I had never considered. My yoga practice changed, my world forever shape-shifted into one of less selfishness and more surrender. It was bigger than the trips around the world and deeper too.
Here I sit today, poised at the turning of another 7-year cycle. I have just had my second son, another amazing soul journey birthing... and find myself in new territory again.
I sit here with one goal in mind.
I am here to change my life, to CLAIM my life and to SUCCEED like never before.
I have just turned, what the world calls "40". Usually I don't tell people that, not because I feel old or am embarrassed, quite the contrary. In fact, I feel like I just started this thing. I feel like everything before this year was preparatory to what is coming. I feel like my life has just begun and I am figuring how it's gonna go, but I have prep-school under my belt, so I feel prepared, and not just "thrown into it" like I have felt all these previous years.
Normally when people ask my age, I say I am "ageless, timeless and immortal". Normally. Up until this past year and a half I really believed that and felt it to be unarguably true. I have been challenged recently to really embrace that. How?
I fell in love with someone who believes in time.
Yes I did.
He not only believes in time, but he is also living the age that I know to be the "immortal age" and I have been challenged in his presence to be it - even when the struggles of this world would try to put wrinkles on my face and call me 'aging.' Now, I can't say that I haven't added some character to my skin this past - what we call a year, it has been a doosy. But I do feel more committed to my youth, to my flexibility in thinking and to commitment itself, than I ever have.
This past year I drove over 6000 miles, grew a baby and birthed him through the navel, wrote over 400 articles counting over 500 words a piece for an on-line magazine, published one book (making it my third) and two CD's, with another book on the way, worked a part-time job, sold nearly everything I have- twice and had my almost 7 year old in 4 schools. Let's not forget the push and pull relationship I have been navigating that has literally had us moving at least 10 times and now, as I am completing 2 on-line courses, ready by summer, I am discovering that I finally, FINALLY have a 5 year plan. That's right. I have a 5 year plan.
For some of you that may not seem like a big thing. But for me it is. I am miss spontaneous, miss go-with-the-flow, miss "something will unfold" and all that jazz. And it has. Sort of, in a funny, not so always comfortable sort of way. But now I have 2 kiddos, not just one. And now I have finally experienced myself committing to a relationship like I have never done before....and even if that doesn't work out how I would like it to -- or if it does - - I am doing it, I have done it and it has taught me a great deal about myself and life.
Like-- It is good to commit yourself to something.
It is transformational to do so.
When I did it with my children, it was a no-brainer...I mean, I didn't feel like I had a choice, it was just what was in the cards and I would adapt to it..and I have, I am.
Now...as I sit on the brink of, and just over the hill from not knowing what to do to make sure my family is all together and thriving and loving each other...I am instead sitting in a 'home-base' where I am telling myself I am ready to create that much desired 'home-base' for myself - and do it my way.
I am doing it my way
I am doing it my way!!!- and if my beloved partner, whether it is the him that I know right now or another him who chooses to step into the picture...or simply the 'him' who is my masculine inner counterpart - whom I love and adore immensely, but who perhaps hasn't been getting enough air-time lately...I am doing it my way and they are welcome to join me -- -he is.
The great thing is - I know who I am.
I know what I am capable of and I have seen me in action.
I know I don't give up.
I know I sometimes create "more difficult" scenarios for myself than most people do...but for it, I have great stories.
I know I love to write. I know I love having things to write about. I know I love great stories.
I know I think big and love to inspire that 'big thinkingness' in others.
I know I love my children. I know they are great men in tiny bodies right now.
I know they came through other great men, who, even if they aren't 'with' me, as in - next to me drinking tea and picking up laundry - they are 'with' me anyway...cause I see them every time I look at my boys...and I am grateful for them.
So here I am - at another 7. The spiritual interpreters call it the "spiritual seal", the "lucky prime" the final resting day after the long week of work. I call it the opening.
So, looking back I know I can look ahead to more greatness, more expansion, more amaze. This time, I am going to claim it in ways of prosperous living. Living with wealth in my spirit and my pocketbook.
I am 40 and by goddess, it is integration time! If I have learned anything over the years, it's time to make a go at putting all the pieces together.
I invite you to follow me on this journey. There are so many parts. I would love to have witnesses at how they 'oh so gracefully' come together. Because someone recently told me I couldn't have it all.
I am out to prove them wrong!
Love and Blissings are NOW